Friday, July 3, 2015

Not in office and growing old...

It has recently occurred to me ex-politicians should realize when they are no longer the occupant of an important office.  Additionally, all of us need to learn we are growing old.  In an effort to help all with those two conditions, I submit the following:


–no free tickets are being offered to you for things you didn’t want to go to anyway
–your jokes are not as funny as they use to be
–not being invited to groundbreakings by the Chamber of Commerce
–important people are harder to reach by phone
–fewer people get in your face and say, “You don’t remember who I am, do you?”
–your postman doesn’t bring you as much mail
–you’re not asked to make many speeches
–more folks remove you from their speed dial
–you wait longer on hold when calling someone
–“Our government was better when you were in” is your main topic of conversation
–people in public confront you with, “Didn’t you use to be ____?”


–when you see a good looking young woman you think “she reminds me of my granddaughter”    rather than “what a hot looking babe”
–most of your mail is medical bills or catalogs
–you and your friends talk mostly about your ailments
–you look forward to getting junk mail
–you read the obituary columns of the paper more often
–you find more of your acquaintances and old high school chums in the obituary column
–you attend more funerals than weddings
–your wife nags you more about your health
–your wife complains more about you not hearing her nag you about your health
–AARP sends you more invitations to join
–grandchildren are asked to help you with your computer and cell phone
–I can’t seem to remember the other things

I’m hopeful these suggested signs will help you to realize you are no longer in office and growing old.

In addition to the above signs, your friends can give you helpful hints about your aging process.  The most common reply you get from friends when complaining of aches and pains is, “At least it’s better than the alternative.”  I’ve started replying to that catchphrase by telling my friends, “That’s not what my preacher tells me.”  My only ambition at this point is to live as long and as well as my mother.  She would always say as she was approaching her 100th year, “I’ve lived a long and good life and done almost everything I ever wanted to do and look forward to meeting my Maker in the near future.”

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